It is the act of letting someone – or yourself – simply be. It means being fully present with someone or with yourself, allowing whatever needs to be felt to be felt. No offering solutions, no judgement, just compassionate patience and undivided attention. There is no need to fix anything.
I have learnt in the past and I am sure life will remind me again in the future, that wellbeing is not always about fixing, improving, achieving, or pushing forward. Sometimes it is about acceptance, compassion, and presence. More often than not, it is about both – accepting with compassion, then gently moving forward.
And the lesson I’ve learnt is that the more you can hold space for yourself, the more you can hold space for others. In that space, we all experience what compassion can truly feel like.
So why am I writing about this now? My first blog was about courage to take action, and now my second one is about doing …nothing at all?
Because right now, this is the kindest thing I can do.
We’ve lost someone.
My previous work community has lost someone so dear that many of us are still in shock and struggling to comprehend it.
As one colleague so beautifully said “He was the company, and we are now a ship without its captain.”
Have you ever met someone who you cannot help but instantly admire?
Their kindness, their helpfulness, their intelligence, their everything … simply their way of being.
Well, such was this person.
We relied on him. Maybe too much.
Because we trusted him. Because he seemed to know everything. Because no matter how busy he was, he always found time for you. And somehow, after speaking with him, you always felt better. You felt reassured.
An irreplaceable human being – both at work and at home.
When I first heard the news that he was no longer with us, I just felt numb. The shock was too big. The tears came later. The anger, the injustice of it all. And I was just a colleague.
So, then I think: how must his loved ones feel?
The ones left behind: his partner (our friend), his parents, his sister and his friends?
This is immeasurable loss.
And I cannot help but want to help. It is our instinct as human beings to want to help, to fix things, to make the pain go away. Not doing anything feels wrong. It feels as though I am not being a good enough friend. But this is not about me, it’s not about how I need to feel or what I feel that I need to do. It’s so challenging for so many of us, myself included, to accept the situation, to just sit still and do nothing.
But right here, right now – I must hold space.
I cannot fix the unfixable.
So, I hold space.
I light a candle.
I pray.
I sit with my own emotions, quietly.
I think of them, his loved ones, especially our friend, so dearly and fiercely, and hope that somehow, they can feel it.
I stay with them – mentally. I am simply there.
I hold space.
This is a blog article. But it is also a tribute to our colleague. To the cornerstone he has been, and always will be.
And it is also a space held with love and compassion for his loved ones.